girlchild0aglow (girlchild0aglow) wrote,
girlchild0aglow
girlchild0aglow

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Oooh, it must be that time of the month, the sweet li'l lady is angry!

I need to stop reading the forums on butch-femme.com, and stop reading anything regarding the butch/femme dynamic, because it is making me grind my teeth to gritty, wet dust. You would think that a group of marginalized people would avoid gender stereotypes like the plague. But noooooo. In case you were wondering, internet, all butches fix cars, lift weights, and top their pretty little wifies in the bedroom. All femmes take two hours to get ready for dates, love to make dinner for Daddy, and love to be done on their backs. Trufax; the B-F forums have educated me.

The 'Humor' board on Butch-Femme is the worst. It's all the misogynistic jokes that were unacceptable by the nineties, only with 'woman' crossed out and 'femme' inserted. The disdain for feminine partners is practically palpable. The forum is filled with butches metaphorically patting the femmes on the head, and the femmes there are lapping it up. The most resistance they get is a femme going "Heyyyy, it only takes me 45 minutes to get ready, and it's just because I wanna look pretty for you!". Every stereotype ever applied to masculine or feminine roles is in full effect, and it makes me want to break things.

I change my own tires, pay for my own dinners, and dominate my butch! Oh, crap, I'm breaking the dynamic! If it's not a faximile of 1950's married life, you're clearly doing it wrong!

Also, did I mention that I hate 'chivalry'? I really do. If you make a big damn show of opening doors for me and pulling out my chair, we can't date, because apparently I'm too weak and floppy to leave my house. E opens doors for me usually because I walk slowly and she tends to get there first, and she gives me her arm when we're going down stairs, since I'm often in 5 inch heels, but she doesn't do it with the wink-and-leer-making-a-point attitude I've seen so often. She waits for me to give her the little glance that says "Oh, shit. I might fall down." Common courtesy makes me happy; knightly graces and the assumption that I need help will get you a scalding sneer. I could stand to be a little politer to her about not letting her pay for me when we go out, but I don't think it punches a hole in her masculine energy to say "I have a steady paycheck. Put your wallet away, honey." Or maybe it does, but I'm lucky enough to have a girl who doesn't put too much stock in Being The Dude.

Oh, hay, guise! A cool article on femme invisibility, written by a butch who actually gets it! Yay!

http://www.sugarbutch.net/2009/11/on-femme-invisibility/
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